a dance in battle costumes

you and i are like wounded beasts

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3. ??? 4. PROFIT!
I feel like I've reached an impasse. Actually I think I've felt like that for the past 8 months. I've been feeling a little lost since I left O Ya. When I started working there I thought a path would be laid out for me (to some extent anyway). When I became dissatisfied there, I felt some serious anxiety about leaving. Like I'm still not sure it was the right choice. Like I know, life is short, why stay in a situation that's making me unhappy. But this is a problem I've had my whole life. Put the work in now, reap the rewards later. My instinct has always been to find that shortest path. I get itchy, and restless. Why is it taking so long? Does it have to take so long?

I'm at my second job now since O Ya. I was briefly in charge of a kitchen (this makes it sound as if I led a team, but that wasn't the case) at a gourmet retail shop, which was an horrid place, with horrid people for owners. I'm very glad I'm not there anymore.

I'm working at a hipstery taco bar in Allston, one of two restaurants owned by a duo. The two places are conjoined, shared kitchen (almost) and shared prep areas and all that. A good friend works there too, which is nice. It's a far cry from a place like O Ya, but the food is pretty decent. I haven't really had the experience of like back-breaking, shit-show line work yet, and I felt like I needed it to sort of get me back to speed. I don't plan on being there long though, and at least I told them that when I was hired.

There's a sushi/french bistro up in Lincoln (def a hike for me to get there) that's got it's share of accolades, that's hiring for a couple positions. I've got a personal 'in' there too. I'm considering it. But the culinary world is tough like that. Like I'm making $12 an hour now at a dump (relatively speaking) and I'm sure whatever position I take at this place wouldn't be more than $10. I guess it's sort of like the design world's equivalent of the 'unpaid internship'. They exploit you under the guise of a learning experience, and a few scribbles on a CV. I can't say for certain that it would be like that, but that's the reality for relatively-inexperienced employees in the fine dining world.

And so the issue is, can I make that work? Part of the reason I left O Ya, was that I was getting paid shit, and I've got some serious debt. Like for a lot of people my age, who have nice positions at respectable firms, my debt would probably look like an annoyance at most. But for someone making only a little more than minimum wage (it hurt a little to type that...) it's kind of soul-crushing. My intention when I left O Ya was to find a job, or an amalgamation of jobs that would net me some decent pay regardless of the sort of work I'd be doing (that is to say, not necessarily in a line of work I'd like to pursue). I haven't been able to make that happen yet, and now, looking at that job at the sushi place, I'd be putting myself in a hard place again.

Like there are paths that I'd like to investigate, personally and professionally, that are just out of the question for me right now, because of my financial situation.

I guess the only solution I can come up with is just 'work harder'. Like if I want to break into another career temporarily to make some money, I need to refresh my skills in a lot of areas. Like, I know most people complain that they have 'no time' when they're not working to do stuff they want, and that it's a total fabrication most of the time, they really just don't want to give up their leisure time. But the sort of kitchen work I'm doing now is pretty back-breaking. I'm working shifts anywhere from 8 to 12 hours. Sometimes a 12 hour shift (ending at midnight or later) is followed by an opening shift. My body generally feels pretty broken so my days off are spent in recovery, and performing basic tasks to keep living a civilized life (shower, pay bills, some cleaning, pet maintenance, etc.) So I don't know. It's America right? I guess I just have to work harder.

Sarah and I are having some problems too, which is a whole other thing I may or may not talk about in the future.

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... Lone Star Taco Bar? Could it be that you made me a taco?

yeah that's the place, haha. I dunno, I toward the end of July so if you were in after that, it's very possible :)

hey, sorry i never responded to your message before, i've been kinda preoccupied lately! but here i am on LJ, looking for COMMUNITY. i do wish this place existed like it used to, in some ways.

"Like there are paths that I'd like to investigate, personally and professionally, that are just out of the question for me right now, because of my financial situation."

what are those paths?

could you not pursue some sort of graphic design gig? that would require working hard in an area you haven't put focus on, at least to get your portfolio up to speed. there seems to be no shortage of design need out there. then you could shop it around here and there while you're working your restaurant thing.

i too get very caught up in fantasies of another work life, one that would leave me with more energy to do what i want to do with my life.........but i guess i'm stuck in a rut as well, trying to figure out what that is. i thought by now i'd have things worked out!

dude, i haven't been out of the country. It's nuts. Like that's one of my biggest motivations. I'd love to be in a place financially where I can make decisions based on what I want to do, rather than what I feel like I have to do. Right now I feel sort of trapped, or limited in my options.

I'm gonna be trying real hard at becoming bi-lingual (japanese of course). Besides the obvious benefits, considering my interests and hobbies, it opens up a lot of interesting career paths.

And yeah, you're right about graphic design. I don't know exactly where I'm going to focus, since I always felt I was more suited to motion graphics. I'd probably be really good at doing commercials, or short ad bumps. Something hyper stylized. Eh. Getting back up to speed with Photoshop is gonna be the first thing I guess, 'cause that's never going to not be useful.

What exactly are you doing now?

(Besides taking selfies with funny hats...) :P

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